Bridezilla: a woman whose behaviour in planning the details of her wedding is regarded as obsessive or intolerably demanding.

Our ego based culture is both reactive and judgmental since we’re conditioned to view life from the mind rather than the heart. So when brides-to-be start behaving badly, the tendency is to mock them by labelling them as bridezillas…a beast of a bride who’s out of control.

And therein lies the key.

She feels out of control. That is the underlying reason a woman will seek to control everything in her external environment, including her partner & every minute detail of her big day. She is trying to create external perfection to compensate for her fear of the unknown.

This occurs when women don’t receive sufficient mentoring & support to acknowledge the internal fears & doubts that are surfacing about entering the next chapter. Questions such as:

  • How will my life change?
  • Will he stay faithful?
  • Will I be a beautiful bride?
  • Am I truly loveable?
  • Will I make the same mistakes my parents did?
  • Will our marriage last?
  • Will I lose contact with my friends?
  • Am I making the right choice? 

The last question is probably the most loaded…as the maiden aspect in every woman fears making any commitment, let alone a life-ling one if she hasn’t taken the descent journey within to truly know herself. The less we know our own heart & mind the more frightening it is to pledge oneself to another in a legal ceremony witnessed by all one’s family & friends. 

In the ancient world women were prepared for all their life transitions in the Red Tent, the space of ‘secret women’s business’ where women could speak openly about their deepest thoughts & feelings in the safety of knowing what is spoken in the Red Tent is never shared outside.  The Red Tent was also the place where elder women would mentor & initiate women through their milestones by helping them to acknowledge their fears and doubts so they could consciously question them and grow beyond them. Without this processing, many modern day brides feel isolated and alone in what is mean to be their ‘happiest time’ so they act out by trying to create the perfect day, becoming more and more tightly wound as the big day approaches.

This looks like someone who obsesses over the smallest details and has an unattainable ideal she is trying to aspire to in order to prove to herself that everything will be okay if she can only achieve it. 

So one can see how criticising a woman who is flagging she is not coping is akin to pouring petrol on a fire! If you dare criticise her vision or efforts you’re likely to get burned. This creates escalating tension & conflict within the couple & her bridal party & family which only exacerbates her bad behaviour.

This kind of demanding & hystrionic behaviour is often described as that of a ‘drama queen’. However there is nothing queenly about this kind of display. It is the archetypal princess, the child bride projecting ‘Daddy’ on to her partner with an expectation he must make her happy by meeting all her demands. This is indicative of a woman who has not taken the journey within to see and own her own dark side so she always sees the problem as being outside herself rather than taking responsibility for her own expectations and choices.  

When a woman is out of balance, it takes another woman to call her on her shadow – her unacknowledged aspects. This is why in the ancient world women prepared for Sacred Union by being initiated into their inner Queen by meeting all 7 aspects of their feminine psyche – thereby seeing and integrating the good, the bad, the ugly & the divine.


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